Assumptions

Lysa TerKeurst shared this message recently (5 Jan 2021) on social media.....

'Never forget someone’s assumptions about you and facts about you are not one in the same.

Sometimes people get so jaded that it brings them some kind of weird satisfaction to point out what they assume to be flaws in you from afar.

They let stirred up feelings inside of them be mistaken for permission to attack and judge and reduce you down to their worst thoughts about you.

If they haven’t sat with you when the whites of your eyes turn red and leak tears, they don’t know you.

If they can’t readily share something they love about you, they don’t know you.

If they haven’t ever admitted their own flaws and insecurities and uncertainties to you, they don’t know you.

And if they don’t know you, they can’t possibly correctly discern your true intentions. So, they can’t possibly speak as if their assumptions are facts.

Chances are, they are hurting or hunting for trouble. Or they are genuinely concerned but didn’t let the Lord help them filter their words to you.

Don’t attack back. Don’t betray who you are in a moment of feeling offended.

Remember, just because someone lays something down doesn’t mean you have to pick it up.

Instead, let’s decide the cycles of hurt going ‘round and ‘round the world today will stop with us.

Let’s determine today that we will not scrutinize and brutalize others with our unknowing and incomplete understanding.

We will not be critics full of assumptions eager to point fingers.

No, we will be women more willing to uncross our arms and just get to know one another. And we will bring lots more love into our knowing from the very first hello.'

These words spoke to me!! Literally it feels like Lysa and I just finished talking and she wrote me with encouragement.

When you find yourself under attack for things you haven't done, for things created in the mind of others, or for having a relationship with someone that others don't like....the pain can be unbearable at times. Unjust attacks are simply not fun. And although your mind knows the truths, and your heart knows the attacker is broken....it still hurts. It hurts to be assumed. It hurts to be misunderstood. It hurts to be used as the focus they use to escape from their own issues.

For most of my life really, with the last few years being some of the hardest; I've had relatives, in-laws, friends, and acquaintances assume a lot about me.

But the truth is, they really don't know me! They know what they've heard third party, seen, or created in their minds...but they don't know ME. They haven't picked me up in my darkest moments...heck, they don't even know my darkest moments. They haven't spent hours upon hours talking to me about life, love, dreams, fears, and heartache.

So WHY then, does it hurt so bad to be attacked by someone who doesn't know YOU? 

Our need to feel accepted, to feel heard, is only natural. We all want to be liked, loved even. But the truth is, we'll experience very few relationships in our lives where unconditional acceptance and love is expressed.  I learned a long time ago, that many people in this world, accept you right up to the point when you stop giving them something or stop doing something for them. Many of us struggle with the fact that at least one grown up in our childhood let us down in that category. Growing up, there was probably at least one time where the other kids didn't include you or you didn't feel like you fit in. It happens...to all of us from time to time, throughout our entire lives. And it stings each and every time. And when it happens to us by people who 'should' be closer to us, it feels like a freight train hit you. Your expectations get the best of you. 

Assumptions and judgements are like termites really...they slowly destroy relationships of all kinds. It hurts to be misunderstood, mislabeled, and/or mistreated. 

If you find yourself in a similar situation right now...be encouraged friends!! The God who created you; the one He fully knows you, accepts you, and loves you 100%...no questions asked, no stipulations, no judgments passed...He will never change how crazy He is about you, or how much He loves you. You are APPROVED (Jeremiah 1:5). God's acceptance is not linked to what we can give Him or what we can do for Him...instead His forever acceptance of us is based solely on what He's already done for us (His son up on that cross).

You'll never find a greater love!!

I leave you with these few thoughts...
*Only people who are not happy with themselves are mean to others.
*Don't fall into an unhealthy generational cycle...God has given us the authority to break them!
*I am NOT who you say I am...I AM who He says I am!
*The version you created of me in your head is not my responsibility.
*You are perfectly imperfect and there is absolutely nothing that will ever change how loved you are!
*Life can throw some pretty hard punches...the trick is to not let your bruises become tattoos.
*No matter how dark the days are, or how heavy your thoughts are...Look Up! He's got your back ALWAYS and loves you so, so much!
*God loves you (John 3:16). You are not alone (Joshua 1:9). Healing is possible (Psalm 147:3).
Grace Wins Always & Love Never Fails​​